The Way I Am

People often ask why am I the way I am, why am I so strange.  To which I answer, why are you the way you are?  The answer is this... 

Representation of Trauma -  Dall·e AI

Times I Should Have Been Killed:

-Car accident when I was a kid - flew out of my seatbelt and went head first into the windshield - first responders said I should have gone straight through the windshield - passed out when I hit the windshield, woke up in the ambulance, passed out again and woke up again in the hospital

-Rogue tire that slammed into my hood, totaling the car

-Deer that jumped into my windshield

-Stuck in the worst thunderstorm ever, non-stop lightning, at the top of a rock climb, I'm the highest object around and am clipped into metal, there isn't anything I can do about it and it's hailing

-Dropped while rock climbing

-Ice fall from serac on Salkantay

-3 avalanches on Salkantay

-Electrical fire in cockpit while flying

-Near miss while flying - could fully see the other pilots face

-Caught in storm on Notchtop, had to free solo, in the rain, to where we could rappel

-Linking 3 14'ers together, got off route on the last one, got in a bad spot, fell and caught myself before I tumbled off the cliff with the literal tip of my index finger.  Followed a goat down (not even kidding)

People I've Known Who are No Longer on This Earth:

-Clare killed in a car accident

-Garry shot and killed in the driveway of his own house

-Two classmates in high school killed in a car crash

-Uncle Ed's suicide

-Miles' suicide

-Ken's suicide

-Flight instructor colleague who was killed in a mid-air collision

-Pilot co-worker who snapped and killed 3 people (and presumably himself)

Mass Shootings that I've Been in the Communities of:

-Columbine

-Aurora Movie Theatre

-Virginia Tech

-Boulder Grocery Store

I don't list these events here for pity or to play the victim or anything like that, quite the opposite actually.  Seriously, do not send any of that my way.  These are all things that I have successfully worked through and they are also things that very few people know about me.  Most of these things happened in the first quarter of my life.  When I was about 25 years old my mother told me, "You know, you have known more people that have died than I have and I'm at the age when people start dying."  There are plenty of other events that have happened that I'm still working through and are not listed here.

Please please please do not compare your trauma to mine or anybody else's.  Don't do it.  That is also not the point and doing so does not accomplish anything positive.

The point is, I'm the culmination of all of my experiences in this world - as we all are.  None of us know what anybody else is going through, these are not things we talk about a lot in society yet we all have our own bags of trauma.  Understanding others is the only way forward.  One of my former co-workers experienced one of the most unimaginable tragedies.  One day his youngest kid was swept down a river.  His older kid, jumped in after the younger one.  The parent, jumped in after both of them, was somehow able to pull both of them out of the river and did CPR on both of them for 45 minutes until the firetruck could get there (they lived in a fairly isolated mountain town).  Neither of his kids made it.  If you were to meet this person on the street, you would never know this about them, you would not know they had been through this unimaginable tragedy.  You could probably know this person for years and years and it would probably never come up in conversation.

We are all leading hard lives, we all have our own trauma and we all are constantly being put through the wringer literally since we are born.  Childbirth is very traumatic to a baby - going from this warm, comfortable environment out into the cold, you're naked, there are bright lights shining on you and weird people looking at you.  It does not matter who you are, how much money you have, if you're famous, etc.  Everyone has their own set of problems that they are working through.  Take the person you admire most in the world and the person you wish you could trade places with.  If you knew everything about them, what they're going through, etc.  you'd probably elect to stick with what you currently have instead of trading places with them.

As you go through the world, recognize that everyone has their own hard journey that they are trudging through and give them the benefit of the doubt.  Next time a cashier at the store is rude to you, afterwards in your head just think, "I wonder what they're going through", perhaps a family member of theirs just passed away and wish them health, happiness and safety.  Or if you're in line at the store and the person in front of you can't pay for their groceries, instead of getting mad at them for keeping you from your day, wonder what they're going through - perhaps they were just evicted from their apartment and they don't have anywhere to live.  Buy their groceries for them, tell them they don't owe you anything and to just pay it forward to someone else in the future if they can and in your head wish them health, happiness and safety.  Or when you see a car pulled over on the side of the road with their hood popped up.  Instead of driving by, pull over and see if they need help.  Perhaps give them a ride to the gas station, etc.

Treat people how you wish people would treat yourself if you were in their circumstance.

Life is much better when you recognize that we are all inextricably connected, we are all going through our own bags of trauma, and we are all the accumulation of what we have experienced so far in this world so when someone pisses you off, just remember - you don't know what they've been through or what they're currently going through so in your mind just recognize that you don't know what they're going through and show them nothing but love and kindness back.  Don't expect anything in return, you're doing this to recognize the humanity in them and to help them along their own journey.  However by helping others, you will also help yourself.  Doing this is certainly much easier said than done but just like anything else in life, it's a practice and the more you practice it, the easier it gets.  Plus, it'll make your life a lot more joyful too.

Keep it real out there!